There comes a time for many of boomer women when they have to face the inevitability of finding care for their aging parents, or even for themselves. About ten years ago my mother needed senior housing and I’ve learned an awful lot about senior care since then.

My father had passed away years before so my five siblings and I talked our mom into moving into a retirement facility. We felt that our fiercely independent mother (an RN with five WWII battle stars) could manage in senior living much better than she could in her apartment. My mother, independent or not, was happy for some help at that point, and agreed.

Senior Housing

Senior housing is different in different places, but, for the most part, it involves apartments or condos that offer some sort of a meal package, a place for residents to park their cars – and many have cars – and accommodations for older people. The bathrooms have handrails in the bathtubs and there are often emergency call pulls in each room. Each apartment or condo has its own bedroom and kitchen. The cost of such living depends on whether it’s low income housing, which it was in my mother’s case it was, or housing for more affluent seniors. There’s limited “supervision” and everyone comes and goes as they please. However, everyone tends to look after everyone else a little bit, too. Often residents only need to be 55 to enter senior living housing.

Then one day I got the call that my mother was in the hospital. Her diabetes had become increasing difficult to control and we had been worried about it. The night before, she had tripped when she got out of bed to make a trip to the bathroom and had ended up lying on the floor all night – cold and semiconscious as her blood sugar levels plummeted. In the morning her calls alerted a security guard who called an ambulance.

Assisted Living

So, what next? My mom was in the hospital for a week where she was poked, prodded and stabilized. She was deemed no longer able to take care of herself in senior living. The next step was assisted care.

Lucky for my sister and me, the hospital had a very competent and compassionate social worker who set us up with a local assisted living center.

Assisted living can either be a one building setup where residents have their own room, or share a room with another resident, and take all their meals in a common dining room, or apartments similar to senior housing where more nursing care is available. Residents in senior living don’t need skilled nursing or complex medical services but they can no longer live on their own without supervision. Besides meals, residents get help with bathing and dressing, and, of course, they no longer have any housekeeping chores. In many states assisted living staff can also administer medication. This was good for my mother who was on several different medications at the time.

The type of assisted living, again, depends on how much your parent can afford and what’s available in the locale that you and and your parent are considering for a new home.

Skilled Nursing Care

The day may come when assisted living is no longer enough care for your parent. My mother, now 91, recently became a resident of a state veteran’s home.

To live in assisted care she had to be able to walk and not be confined to a wheelchair. It appeared, that due to a back injury years before, her walking was becoming increasingly unsteady and she began falling.

For my mother, a veteran living on a limited income, the best option was a veteran’s home. She would also have been eligible for this care if she was the wife or widow of a veteran (which she is.) The veteran’s home in this area is lovely and offers extraordinary care.

My mom has her own room and 24/7 medical care – everything from physical therapy to a special diet while her dentures are being repaired.

In a skilled nursing facility residents receive constant nursing care and have significant deficiencies of one sort or another that make them unable to live in their own homes, or facilities where lesser care is offered. It’s one step down from hospital care.

So this is where we are now. As I said, I’ve learned a lot about dealing with a parent in all sorts of assisted living so I’ll be glad to share some more information in the next article.