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An elderly gentleman had serious hearing
problems for a number of years. He went
to the doctor and the doctor was able to
have him fitted for a set of hearing aids
that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a
month to the doctor and the doctor
said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your
family must be really pleased
that you can hear again."

The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't
told my family yet. I just sit around
and listen to the conversations. I've
changed my will three times!"

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Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement
center were sitting on a bench under a
tree when one turns to the other and says...
"Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just
full of aches and pains. I know you' re
about my age. How do you feel?"

Slim says, "I feel just like a new-born
baby."

"Really!? Like a new-born baby!?"

"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think
I just wet my pants."

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Hospital regulations require a wheelchair
for patients being discharged. However,
while working as a student nurse, I found
one elderly gentleman--already dressed
and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at
his feet--who insisted he didn't need my
help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he
reluctantly let me wheel him to the
elevator.

On the way down I asked him if his
wife was meeting him.

"I don't know," he said. "She's still
upstairs in the bathroom changing
out of her hospital gown."

BOB WEINER----AKA  YANKEE BOB